Too Many Hormones In One Room
by Caz Malfoy
Summary: Assassin Ianto: Felix had slipped into another world, he just knew it... Assassin!Ianto


**Title:** Too Many Hormones In One Room  
**Fandom:** Torchwood  
**Rating:** FRT  
**Pairing:** Jack/Ianto, Rory/Felix  
**Summary:** Felix had slipped into another world, he just knew it...  
**Author's note:** This is set in my Assassin Ianto 'verse. (See my profile for the others)

x

Felix woke to the sound of gunshots echoing around the Hub. He quickly sat up, briefly wondering why he had fallen asleep on the couch in the first place, before ducking when a bullet flew over his head, missing him by inches.

"Hey!" the Time Lord cried, glaring at the firer of the weapon. "Are you trying to use up one of my regenerations?"

Ianto Jones-Harkness smiled tightly, but didn't lower the gun. "Sorry, Fe, but you might want to stay down," he advised.

"Why? What's wrong?" he asked in alarm, thinking that something was wrong with his boyfriend's father.

"Look at me," Ianto instructed, pointing to his stomach but never lowering the gun.

Felix's eyes widened as he finally noticed what was different about the other man. He had to be at least eight months pregnant; which Felix was pretty sure he hadn't been when he had fallen asleep. "What…? But, how?" he stammered.

"It's his fault," Ianto shouted, pulling the trigger once more.

"Whose?" Felix asked, carefully getting to his feet. He placed a hand over Ianto's and slowly lowered the gun.

"His!" Ianto snapped, jabbing a finger in the direction of the office.

Felix followed his gaze and chuckled when he saw the leader of Torchwood Three, poking his head around the door. "Don't worry," he assured the older man. "It's safe now."

"Speak for yourself," Jack retorted, a pout on his lips as he exited the room.

Felix knew his jaw dropped at the sight of the Captain but he couldn't help it. Jack was as heavily pregnant as Ianto appeared to be. "What the…?"

Jack frowned and rubbed his hand over his stomach. "What's wrong with you?" he asked. "You're acting like you didn't know we were pregnant."

Felix blinked. "I didn't," he murmured. "You weren't when I fell asleep. What happened? How long was I asleep for?"

Ianto scowled and looked at Jack in confusion, all previous annoyance vanished. "Felix… What… You were only asleep for about an hour," he pointed out.

"So how the hell did you manage to both get this heavily pregnant in an hour?" Felix cried, running his hand through his hair in exasperation.

The two immortals looked each other in concern before Jack took a step closer to the Time Lord. "Felix, are you feeling okay?" he asked in concern. "Did you hit your head?"

Felix snorted with laughter. "Trust me, that's beginning to look very possible. Where's Rory?" he asked, hoping that his boyfriend would be able to shed some light on what was going on.

"Right here," the older man's familiar voice spoke from the cog door and Felix expelled a sigh of relief.

Any relief he may have felt immediately vanished when he saw that Rory wasn't as thin as he had been the last time they had seen each other.

"Rory?" Felix asked with a shake of his head. "What's going on here?"

Rory frowned and looked around; trying to figure out what Felix was talking about. When nothing seemed out of place he finally turned back around to face the Time Lord. "What are you talking about?" he asked slowly.

Felix pointed to the other man's stomach. "You… You're…. You're…"

He raised an eyebrow and placed his hands on his hips. "Are you trying to say I'm fat?" he snapped, glaring at Felix, daring him to argue.

"What?" Felix cried. "No! Of course not! But, Ror, you… You're pregnant," he pointed out.

Rory rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his stomach. "Never!" he retorted sarcastically. "I thought we'd already had this conversation seven months ago."

"Seven months?" Felix shouted. "Rory, we only got together _six _months ago!"

Both Jack and Ianto drew in gasps of breath and Felix turned his head to see them wincing.

The sting of a slap from his boyfriend made him cry out in pain. "What was that for?" he demanded, turning back to Rory and glaring at him.

"How dare you?" Rory hissed, his face turning red in fury. "You… You… I don't even know what to call you!"

Silently Felix thanked whatever Gods were listening when the cog door rolled open and Dominic stalked into the Hub, the expression on his face clearly showing that he was a man on a mission.

"Give me that gun," he instructed, nodding to the weapon his father was still holding.

Ianto looked down at the gun and frowned. "Why?" he asked, not handing the gun over.

"Because I'm going to shoot you, pregnant or not," Dominic snapped, running up the stairs and heading towards them.

"What?" Ianto retorted, his eyes widening. "No. What the hell have I done?" he demanded.

"You were the one that carried me, therefore this is your fault!" Dominic answered him.

Felix felt like his head was swimming as he struggled to keep up with the conversation. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice quiet and almost inaudible.

"I'm pregnant!" Dominic shouted at the top of his lungs, startling Myfanwy above them.

Silence fell over them for a while before Ianto spluttered, "What?"

"How is that possible?" Jack added. "I thought you were straight."

Dominic glared at the pregnant Captain. "I am!" he cried. "I got drunk, had a one night stand with a friend and now _this_."

"Erm… Guys?" Felix whispered from where he was standing next to the couch. "I don't feel so good," he murmured, seconds before he passed out and fell to the ground.

x

"Fe?" Rory's voice whispered from somewhere above him. "Wake up."

The Time Lord groaned and his eyes flickered open. "Rory?" he murmured, running his hand over his eyes and looking around the room. He wasn't in the Hub anymore. He was lying in Rory's bed in the older man's apartment. "How did I get here?" he mumbled.

Rory frowned and pressed his hand against his boyfriend's forehead. "Are you okay?" he asked in concern. "You stayed over last night. I told you about…" He hesitated. "I told you that I can get pregnant."

"Oh…" Felix breathed, closing his eyes as he tried to remember what he had dreamt about. "That explains it," he added.

Rory looked down at him and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"You were pregnant," Felix told him. "So was your tad and dad."

Rory laughed and rested his forehead against Felix's. "Tad and Dad were pregnant at the same time? God, I hope that never happens. I'm not sure which one of them would be more unbearable."

"It gets worse – or better, depending on your point of view," Felix added with a frown.

"There's more?" Rory replied incredulously.

"You weren't the only ones pregnant," Felix admitted. "Nick was as well."

Felix was sure that his boyfriend's laughter could be heard all the way back at the Hub.

The End


End file.
